BBC Writers Room

This is a script that I wrote for a recent BBC Writers Room Competition, Five Days in May. I was one of the runners-up. Hope you enjoy it.

Sunderland South

By James O’Brien

1. EXT/INT. Sunderland town centre/ Geoffrey’s office (Intercut). Day.

Establishing shots of various parts of Sunderland. The beach, retail parks, housing estates, factories, pubs, The National Glass centre, Geoffrey in his office, on the phone, checking papers, and jotting notes.

NARRATOR:

Sunderland: Home to beautiful golden beaches, The National Glass museum, and roads to Newcastle. However, behind the scenes it appears that Sunderland has hidden depths. For each election since 1992, Sunderland has posted its votes quicker than any other constituency. This year they hope to smash their record time of forty-three minutes.

In charge for each of the elections in Sunderland is Electoral Officer, and Town Councillor, Geoffrey Malden. We’ll be following Geoffrey as he plans his attack on beating his own record time for the fifth time.

Cut to:

2. EXT/INT. Local College/Sports hall (Intercut). Day/afternoon.

Establishing shots of the Sports College, and the training facilities.

NARRATOR:

Geoffrey has recruited ten of the best young athletes that Sunderland has to offer, to get the ballot boxes from the station to the sports hall where the votes are to be counted on the 6^th May. We met Darren, who has been recruited by Geoffrey to do the five minute dash across town.

Darren is warming up trackside. Replica ballot boxes and concrete slabs are later visible.

DARREN:

Geoffrey approached me after an athletics session, he was impressed at how quick I was, and asked me to help his team. It’s hard work, like. I’ve been running 5k each day with these replica ballot boxes, filled with some paving slabs from Geoff’s garden.

Darren picks up a ballot box, and runs off- barely able to carry the box.

Cut to:

3. INT. Marjorie’s House. Day.

Marjorie is in her kitchen making a pot of tea, and preparing a corned beef sandwich.

NARRATOR:

Geoffrey needs more than runners if he is to set a new record this year; he needs people to count the votes in the boxes. For that role, Geoffrey employs a team of over one hundred and ninety volunteers, many of them pensioners. We met Marjorie who is working on her second election.

MARJORIE:

Well, clearly Geoffrey runs a tight ship, the election preparation is a forty-two month training regime, and this election Geoffrey has raised the bar somewhat.

Cut to:

4. EXT. Geoffrey’s Garden. Early Morning/Dawn.

Geoffrey is wearing his gardening clothes, while mowing his lawn. Neighbours are twitching their curtains in their pyjamas, shaking their heads at his early morning garden maintenance.

GEOFFREY:

Ay, well for this election I thought I needed to get my counters really prepared, so I’ve devised a training plan for these guys to breeze through the votes on May sixth.

Cut to:

5. EXT/INT. Martin’s House (Intercut). Early Morning/Dawn.

From afar, Geoffrey is stood outside Martin’s house early in the morning. He rings the doorbell. Geoffrey looks down the street: it’s deserted, except for a few stray cats. Martin eventually comes to the door; his dressing gown is open revealing his vest and Y-fronts.

Cut to:

Inside, Martin looks flustered as Geoffrey barges in and makes his way to the lounge to sit down. Martin follows, and takes a seat adjacent to Geoffrey; his dressing gown flaps open as he sits with his legs apart. With force, Geoffrey passes Martin the grass basket from his lawnmower.

MARTIN:

What’s this?

GEOFFREY:

Grass cuttings Martin, I want you to the count them.

MARTIN:

Oh? I’m allergic? Can’t I just count paper?

GEOFFREY:

No, Martin, you know my stance. If you can count blades of grass, you can count paper.

Martin gives a heavy sigh.

GEOFFREY:

Ready?

MARTIN:

Yes

Geoffrey starts his stopwatch, and is stood over him with a clipboard. Martin begins counting.

MARTIN:

One, two, three, four…

Fade out:

Fade in:

MARTIN:

Seven thousand and nineteen. Done.

Geoffrey stops his stop-watch. Martin looks exhausted, and his carpet is covered in grass cuttings.

GEOFFREY:

Okay. Martin, have you been practicing with that tub of rice I gave you? What have you done with it?

MARTIN:

Alice cooked it.

GEOFFREY:

Okay (beat) well if you’re slower again, we’ll have to replace you.

Geoffrey stands up to leave.

GEOFFREY: (CONT.)

Enjoy your rice.

Cut to:

6. EXT/INT. Polling Station. Afternoon.

Establishing shots of the polling station. The streets are peppered with people going about their daily business. Geoffrey is vacuuming the boot of his car with a handy-vac.

NARRATOR:

After years of preparation, the 6^th of May has arrived. Geoffrey has been up since the crack of dawn at the polling station and is confident about the day ahead.

INTERVIEWER:

Any concerns about today Geoffrey?

GEOFFREY:

No, none.

INTERVIEWER:

What about Martin? Is he counting tonight?

GEOFFREY:

No, sadly he didn’t make the cut. Although I’ve given him another job- he’s flipping burgers.

INTERVIEWER:

Burgers?

GEOFFREY:

Yes, in the past we’ve had to deal with people coming into vote at 9:45, it’s far too late to start voting- so we’re putting Martin out on the street with his burger van to distract any potential late voters. That way we can lock the doors on time, and get the boxes away quicker.

Cut to:

7. EXT. Burger Van Afternoon/evening

Martin is flipping burgers, and has attracted quite a long queue for food. Martin is burning the burgers to a cinder.

MARTIN:

Am I doing this right? (beat) I’m vegetarian.

Cut to:

8. INT. Polling station. Evening.

The station is sparsely populated. Geoffrey is staring at his wristwatch, which clicks over to ten o’clock.

GEOFFREY:

Right, close the doors!

Marjorie, who is stood by the door, bolts the door closed, smashing a voter’s face in the process.

GEOFFREY:

Come on lads! Get these boxes shifted. It’s what you were born to do!

The athletes pick up their boxes and start running out of the back door to the sports hall.

Cut to:

9. EXT. Burger Van. Evening.

At the burger van, Martin is dealing with a large crowd of hungry unhappy customers.

CUSTOMER:

These burgers are disgusting! They’re totally inedible! They’re black!

MARTIN:

Well, I didn’t want to give anyone food poisoning.

CUSTOMER:

I’m not eating this, I want a refund!

MARTIN:

Oh, erm…

Martin nervously looks around for money.

CUSTOMER:

Oh forget it!

Martin’s customers throw their unwanted burgers into the road in disgust, and walk away. Martin leaves his van and walks into the road picking up discarded burgers. One of the ballot box runners narrowly avoids tripping up over him. Shocked, Martin stands up after nearly making contact. He turns round and makes his way back to the van when the generator powering the van explodes. The force of the explosion throws Martin, several runners and pedestrians into a hedge. The ballot boxes break, and the voting papers are strewn across the road, some of which are on fire. Beefburgers are in flames on the road, gardens, cars, and on Martin and Darren’s body. Geoffrey, on his way to the sports hall, walks around the corner to see the destruction.

GEOFFREY:

Christ!

Geoffrey palms the camera away, and begins to pick up the votes from the floor. Martin is dazed, covered in burgers, and firmly planted in a hedge next to Darren.

GEOFFREY:

What in god’s name happened here Martin?

MARTIN:

Well I overcooked a few burgers, which made people really upset.

GEOFFREY:

I’m really upset. So is Darren, look- his arm is hanging by a thread.

MARTIN:

Sorry Darren.

Fade to black:

10. INT. Geoffrey’s house. Day.

Geoffrey is sat in his armchair with a cup of tea, with a saucer containing a piece of shortbread, resting on the arm.

INTERVIEWER:

So you didn’t break the record you previously set.

GEOFFREY:

No, but let’s try and focus on the positives here; Darren, while he was a talented runner would never have made an Olympic team. In two years he has a real shot at making the Paralympics, and a possibly winning a medal.

INTERVIEWER:

We’ve heard that he’s suing you?

GEOFFREY:

I don’t want to go into that.

INTERVIEWER:

Back to work on Monday?

GEOFFREY:

No, My work offered me a good redundancy package, so I’m thinking of using the money to do live abroad for a few years.

INTERVIEWER:

Anywhere nice?

GEOFFREY:

Well, Uganda has an election next year- now the kids out there can run really fast.

END.