Merchandise is a profitable business. The amount of money you can make selling duvet covers with Michael Ball’s face on it, is bewildering. My Nan mixes and matches her pillow and duvet sets so she can be joined in bed with the faces and torso’s of her beloved Titchmarsh, O’Donnel and Ball. I’m going through a neutral colours phase at the moment, but I’m guessing it’s natural progression from when we once surrounded ourselves with Transformers and Teddy Ruxpin.
However the band JLS, have taken merchandise to a whole new level in my eyes. Their management have decided that fans are no longer happy with their face on a calculator, pencil case, or a sticker album. No, sticker albums for kids are outdated; they’ve decided they want their face on contraceptives. In effect, JLS are telling kids just stick it anywhere- just don’t swap them afterwards, even for a shiny. Still, At least they have standards, I remember Noel Edmunds Swap shop. He’d swap anything.
Part of me wonders if when opening the condom, a tune plays like when you open a birthday card, or if they’re saving that trick for when they release a new range of umbrella’s next month. All this makes me look back on my childhood quite gladly. Glad that the Chuckle Brothers were never afforded the opportunity of fronting a safe-sex campaign to distract me from my Italia 90 sticker books and pogs.