tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-89783409637340764552023-08-17T05:29:56.075+01:00Pork and BiscuitsAn irreverent look on the world we live in, occasionally diverting attention to the contents of my fridge and cupboards.James O'Brienhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127138185908501166noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8978340963734076455.post-48587305148746832392011-06-05T18:44:00.002+01:002011-06-05T18:48:37.925+01:00Dog TeethAlfred lives alone. On Saturday mornings, to relieve his boredom, Alfred would go to the park with his binoculars. His binoculars were powerful. They needed to be. His hobby was going to the park to look at dogs. Looking at the dogs through his binoculars, he would count how many teeth each dog had. In Alfred’s coat pocket he kept a notepad and pencil. Alfred would make a note of the type of dog he saw, and if he didn’t know the breed, he’d draw what the dog looked like. Next to the picture or descriptor, he’d write down how many teeth he had seen on the dog. <br /><br />In the evening, Alfred would fry some processed ham, boil an egg, and sit down to watch some television he had recorded during the week. The video player was temperamental, but he liked the fuzzy soft focus it gave to Phillip Schofield’s face. After his TV dinner, Alfred would then go upstairs to his bedroom and begin making all the teeth he had seen in the park. Alfred would use papier-mâché and chicken wire for this. Alfred tried to make each tooth 120 times the size it would normally be. These teeth, once dry, would then be stored in the attic, along with all his other teeth.James O'Brienhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127138185908501166noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8978340963734076455.post-27718154422190868472010-09-22T17:17:00.002+01:002010-09-22T17:25:41.436+01:00Childhood Memories: Now Available in Superdrug, £2.99Merchandise is a profitable business. The amount of money you can make selling duvet covers with Michael Ball’s face on it, is bewildering. My Nan mixes and matches her pillow and duvet sets so she can be joined in bed with the faces and torso’s of her beloved Titchmarsh, O’Donnel and Ball. I’m going through a neutral colours phase at the moment, but I’m guessing it’s natural progression from when we once surrounded ourselves with Transformers and Teddy Ruxpin. <br /><br />However the band JLS, have taken merchandise to a whole new level in my eyes. Their management have decided that fans are no longer happy with their face on a calculator, pencil case, or a sticker album. No, sticker albums for kids are outdated; they’ve decided they want their face on <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1310781/JLS-launch-condom-range-Durex.html">contraceptives</a>. In effect, JLS are telling kids just stick it anywhere- just don’t swap them afterwards, even for a shiny. Still, At least they have standards, I remember Noel Edmunds Swap shop. He’d swap anything.<br /><br />Part of me wonders if when opening the condom, a tune plays like when you open a birthday card, or if they’re saving that trick for when they release a new range of umbrella’s next month. All this makes me look back on my childhood quite gladly. Glad that the Chuckle Brothers were never afforded the opportunity of fronting a safe-sex campaign to distract me from my Italia 90 sticker books and pogs.James O'Brienhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127138185908501166noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8978340963734076455.post-72761689598638531172010-09-20T01:06:00.002+01:002010-09-20T10:24:51.184+01:00London: Part oneTime seems to go very quickly in London. It makes me worry that I’ll start to look even older than my face suggests already. I estimate that one year from now, my forehead will have more lines than a Hogarth etching; and who knows by that point to sooth my impending depression, I may have even started drinking Gin with my Coco-Pops, to make life a little more bearable. <br /><br />I opted to get the coach to London, I was seduced by the cheap ticket. Five minutes into the journey, the lady in front decided to recline her seat back, and as a result, it soon felt that I was performing dentistry. Her molar’s were in a poor state of repair, which I put down to box of Jaffa Cakes she decided not to share. <br /><br />People’s lack of courtesy on Public Transport is galling sometimes. I’m not bitter that the woman kept the Jaffa Cakes to herself; it was the fact that I had to see her eat them upside down, and listen to an orchestra of chewing and chomping. I’ve had quieter and cleaner colonic irrigations than the horror show she performed getting through that box of Jaffa Cakes. I feel that if it’s not my eyes being scarred by the sight of atrocities, it’s my ears getting fingered by strangers with their rubbish singing. Thirty years ago, I might be wrong, it would be considered normal practice to walk around the streets with a jar of Chloroform. It was handy to put to sleep anyone that might be considered a nuisance. Nowadays using Chloroform is frowned upon, so I have to listen to people singing like Celine Dion, but Celine Dion being chased through the woods by an angry bear.James O'Brienhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127138185908501166noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8978340963734076455.post-54095145789861198542010-08-03T00:02:00.001+01:002010-08-03T00:04:06.258+01:00Life after Woolworths?I had a minor win on the lottery at the weekend, and I was at a loss as to how to invest my winnings- a luxury pork pie, or a giant Toblerone? I decided that it had been too long since I attempted the noble art of trying to eat a chocolate bar the size of my leg, so I opted for the Toblerone. Only when walking down the high street did I realise that there was no such outlet for giant chocolate bars anymore. Woolworths had died, and no-one had opted to take over the mantle to supply the nation with oversized confectionary. Or had they? I was advised by a friend to try the City Market, and that I did. I’ve always found that a visit to the market is always like walking into a portal that takes you back twenty years. I’d say Steve Jobs has a lot of work to do with this demographic- Touchscreen tills are an evil science in this environment, and the sight of an etch-a-sketch has been known to cause epilepsy amongst its users. <br /><br />That was never the case in Woolworths. It blended haberdashery with garden strimmers seamlessly, while obliging a receipt with each purchase. I think the trouble with Wollies and its untimely demise, was the size of its stores. Vagabonds could hide just about anywhere in its stores, and unless the security guards were hide and seek experts (which often they weren’t), you’re going to be able to steal ping-pong tables left, right and centre. Further chaos staff had to contend with would be controlling the hoards of tramps pissing over flumps in the pick and mix; all this while trying to help pensioners find Celene Dion’s Greatest Hits on cassette in the bargain bin. <br /><br />Argos seems to struck the balance right. Having nothing for people to touch, and then laminating the catalogues in case someone does decide to eject piss over them. However, sadly for me, Argos don’t sell Toblerone, and nor did the market.James O'Brienhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127138185908501166noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8978340963734076455.post-25203109767621461912010-07-27T00:00:00.002+01:002010-07-27T00:06:25.709+01:00Killing is difficult.I’ve thought about it for a while, and I’m also pretty certain that my potential victim doesn’t have the faintest idea what’s coming. I’ve had many sleepless nights thinking through my procedure for quick, clean, finish. <br /><br />It’s been eight months since my once trusted printer stopped working, and I just haven’t had the heart to get rid of it. For while the power light still flickers, it makes me feel like I’m performing euthanasia, confining my ailing printer to the landfill. I have been patient with my printer, despite the fact it often served as much purpose as my neighbours dog, Dudley. Dudley was a morbidly obese spaniel, which just sat in the corner not doing anything for months; then when you tried to get his bowels moving, what often came out was the wrong colour. <br /><br />While Dudley did have a lovely life, eating steak and chocolate fingers. My printer’s existence has been a life of middle-class domestic violence, with me threatening to throw domestic appliances at it, or leaving it to suffocate it in layers upon layers of dust. I feel that after this psychological torture, it deserves a better send off than being tossed into a skip. I have even prayed for a power surge to put it out of its misery, but I just can’t see past it being buried under the patio, as another one of those sordid mistakes.James O'Brienhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127138185908501166noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8978340963734076455.post-22179842126482410012010-07-20T00:41:00.001+01:002010-07-20T00:43:54.244+01:00Am I singing in the right key?Bills, Bills, Bills… Quoting Destiny’s Child doesn’t happen every day for me, so this is a special occasion indeed. You may even want to mark it in your diary, and see if your boss will let you have the corresponding date off next year to commemorate the occasion. Going back to the point however, and I am at a loss as to what to do with all these bills I get. How long should I keep them for? Should I file them? If I started filing all my statements, there wouldn’t be any room for the taxidermy kit I recently bought at a car boot sale. It’s no wonder these huge stationary stores are popping up all over the place, we seem to be a nation that loves to hoard stuff. Admittedly, I can’t stop hoarding. Since the purchase of my taxidermy kit, my bedroom now looks like a reconstruction of The Animals of Farthing Wood: stuffed badgers, foxes, moles, and ferrets; all skilfully posed in combat, fighting a plague of rats. Now, this reconstruction wouldn’t look nearly as menacing if there were statements from The Bank of Santander stored alongside it. I need a solution.<br /><br />While shredding my bills might seem logical to some, to me it seems a bit of a mental way to spend a Sunday afternoon. I see it as no different to breaking up stale digestive biscuits so no-one could tell if they were McVities or Asda’s Value range, in fear of being found out by the Cookie Monster. I could of course set fire to my old bills, but how sensible is that? I live on the fifth floor of a small flat, with a woman who only eats buttery alternatives. I’m guessing that should the fire get out of hand, saving the buttery woman from her demise might be tricky, especially if her skin is as greasy as the freshly basted Christmas turkey that I dream about… Where are my matches?James O'Brienhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127138185908501166noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8978340963734076455.post-24065113196090611582010-07-16T22:22:00.004+01:002010-07-16T22:38:34.206+01:00Not so Utterly Butterly<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I’ve recently moved flats, and I’ve yet to see my new housemate.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">On the first night of them moving in, I tried to make as much noise as possible making my Spaghetti Bolognaise, to get their attention.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Well, I cluttered a few pans.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I think pretending that I was sacrificing the cow, and then impersonating the cow as it went through the mincer, might have overdone it a touch, and may well blemish any potential friendship forever.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">However, my conservative efforts were futile, even chewing loudly outside their door didn’t do anything.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">This person is clearly either deaf, scared, or anti-social.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Finishing my meal, I went to the fridge to get a jug of custard, and what I saw still bothers me today, nine days later.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">This person seems to survive on a diet of butter alternatives?</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">The only two items on their shelf was a tub of ‘I can’t believe it’s not butter’ and Morrisons own buttery version, ‘Taste like butter’.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Why would you own two tubs of alternative butter? Is it a collection? If it is, it’s the smallest type of collection you can have.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">But, seeing these two tubs of butter alternative made me nervous.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Nervous about the safety of my butter, Lurpak.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">For the next two days, I had started to take notice about how much butter was in my tub, and I feel there is definitely been some malpractice taking place in the fridge.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I searched their cupboards, reckless I know, but the Lt. Columbo in me just needed to find out what happened to my daily source of </span><span lang="EN-US"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">monounsaturated fatty acids.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">What I saw next was equally puzzling, dozens of Ice trays, shaped with wine bottles.</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Frozen butter?</span><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">My frozen butter? The case continues…</span></span><o:p></o:p></p> <!--EndFragment-->James O'Brienhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127138185908501166noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8978340963734076455.post-75231457663657493072010-07-16T21:46:00.005+01:002010-07-16T22:39:01.124+01:00BBC Writers Room<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align: left;line-height: 150%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">This is a script that I wrote for a recent BBC Writers Room Competition, Five Days in May. I was one of the runners-up. Hope you enjoy it.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Sunderland South<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">By James O’Brien</span></p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> </span><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">1. EXT/INT. Sunderland town centre/ Geoffrey’s office (Intercut). Day.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:6.75pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:35.45pt;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%;tab-stops:35.45pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Establishing shots of various parts of Sunderland. The beach, retail parks, housing estates, factories, pubs, The National Glass centre, Geoffrey in his office, on the phone, checking papers, and jotting notes.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">NARRATOR:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Sunderland: Home to beautiful golden beaches, The National Glass museum, and roads to Newcastle. However, behind the scenes it appears that Sunderland has hidden depths. For each election since 1992, Sunderland has posted its votes quicker than any other constituency. This year they hope to smash their record time of forty-three minutes.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">In charge for each of the elections in Sunderland is Electoral Officer, and Town Councillor, Geoffrey Malden. We’ll be following Geoffrey as he plans his attack on beating his own record time for the fifth time.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="right" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:-.35pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:right;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Cut to:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">2. EXT/INT. Local College/Sports hall (Intercut). Day/afternoon.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:6.75pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:35.45pt;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:6.75pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:35.45pt;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Establishing shots of the Sports College, and the training facilities.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">NARRATOR:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Geoffrey has recruited ten of the best young athletes that Sunderland has to offer, to get the ballot boxes from the station to the sports hall where the votes are to be counted on the 6</span><sup><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">th</span></sup><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> May. We met Darren, who has been recruited by Geoffrey to do the five minute dash across town.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:6.75pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:35.45pt;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Darren is warming up trackside. Replica ballot boxes and concrete slabs are later visible.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">DARREN:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Geoffrey approached me after an athletics session, he was impressed at how quick I was, and asked me to help his team. It’s hard work, like. I’ve been running 5k each day with these replica ballot boxes, filled with some paving slabs from Geoff’s garden.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:6.75pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:35.45pt;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Darren picks up a ballot box, and runs off- barely able to carry the box. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="right" style="text-align:right;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Cut to:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">3. INT. Marjorie’s House. Day.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:6.75pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:35.45pt;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Marjorie is in her kitchen making a pot of tea, and preparing a corned beef sandwich.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">NARRATOR:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Geoffrey needs more than runners if he is to set a new record this year; he needs people to count the votes in the boxes. For that role, Geoffrey employs a team of over one hundred and ninety volunteers, many of them pensioners. We met Marjorie who is working on her second election.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">MARJORIE:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Well, clearly Geoffrey runs a tight ship, the election preparation is a forty-two month training regime, and this election Geoffrey has raised the bar somewhat.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="right" style="text-align:right;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Cut to:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">4. EXT. Geoffrey’s Garden. Early Morning/Dawn.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:6.75pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:35.45pt;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Geoffrey is wearing his gardening clothes, while mowing his lawn. Neighbours are twitching their curtains in their pyjamas, shaking their heads at his early morning garden maintenance.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">GEOFFREY:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Ay, well for this election I thought I needed to get my counters really prepared, so I’ve devised a training plan for these guys to breeze through the votes on May sixth.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="right" style="text-align:right;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Cut to:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">5. EXT/INT. Martin’s House (Intercut). Early Morning/Dawn.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:6.75pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:35.45pt;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">From afar, Geoffrey is stood outside Martin’s house early in the morning. He rings the doorbell. Geoffrey looks down the street: it’s deserted, except for a few stray cats. Martin eventually comes to the door; his dressing gown is open revealing his vest and Y-fronts.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:6.75pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:35.45pt;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="right" style="text-align:right;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Cut to:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="right" style="text-align:right;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:6.75pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:35.45pt;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Inside, Martin looks flustered as Geoffrey barges in and makes his way to the lounge to sit down. Martin follows, and takes a seat adjacent to Geoffrey; his dressing gown flaps open as he sits with his legs apart. With force, Geoffrey passes Martin the grass basket from his lawnmower.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">MARTIN:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">What’s this?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">GEOFFREY:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Grass cuttings Martin, I want you to the count them.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">MARTIN:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Oh? I’m allergic? Can’t I just count paper? <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">GEOFFREY:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">No, Martin, you know my stance. If you can count blades of grass, you can count paper.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:6.75pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:35.45pt;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Martin gives a heavy sigh.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">GEOFFREY:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Ready?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">MARTIN:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Yes<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoBodyTextIndent2" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:6.75pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:35.45pt;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Geoffrey starts his stopwatch, and is stood over him with a clipboard. Martin begins counting. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">MARTIN:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">One, two, three, four…<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="right" style="text-align:right;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Fade out:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="right" style="text-align:right;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Fade in:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">MARTIN:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Seven thousand and nineteen. Done.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoBodyTextIndent2" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:6.75pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:35.45pt;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Geoffrey stops his stop-watch. Martin looks exhausted, and his carpet is covered in grass cuttings.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">GEOFFREY:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Okay. Martin, have you been practicing with that tub of rice I gave you? What have you done with it?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">MARTIN:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Alice cooked it.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">GEOFFREY:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Okay (beat) well if you’re slower again, we’ll have to replace you. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:6.75pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:35.45pt;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Geoffrey stands up to leave.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">GEOFFREY: (CONT.)<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Enjoy your rice. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="right" style="text-align:right;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Cut to:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">6. EXT/INT. Polling Station. Afternoon.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:6.75pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:35.45pt;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Establishing shots of the polling station. The streets are peppered with people going about their daily business. Geoffrey is vacuuming the boot of his car with a handy-vac.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">NARRATOR:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">After years of preparation, the 6</span><sup><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">th</span></sup><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> of May has arrived. Geoffrey has been up since the crack of dawn at the polling station and is confident about the day ahead.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">INTERVIEWER:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Any concerns about today Geoffrey?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">GEOFFREY:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">No, none. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">INTERVIEWER:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">What about Martin? Is he counting tonight?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">GEOFFREY:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">No, sadly he didn’t make the cut. Although I’ve given him another job- he’s flipping burgers.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">INTERVIEWER:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Burgers?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">GEOFFREY:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Yes, in the past we’ve had to deal with people coming into vote at 9:45, it’s far too late to start voting- so we’re putting Martin out on the street with his burger van to distract any potential late voters. That way we can lock the doors on time, and get the boxes away quicker.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="right" style="text-align:right;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Cut to:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">7. EXT. Burger Van Afternoon/evening<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:6.75pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:35.45pt;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Martin is flipping burgers, and has attracted quite a long queue for food. Martin is burning the burgers to a cinder.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">MARTIN:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Am I doing this right? (beat) I’m vegetarian.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="right" style="text-align:right;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Cut to:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">8. INT. Polling station. Evening.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoBodyTextIndent"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">The station is sparsely populated. Geoffrey is staring at his wristwatch, which clicks over to ten o’clock.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">GEOFFREY:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Right, close the doors!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoBodyTextIndent"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Marjorie, who is stood by the door, bolts the door closed, smashing a voter’s face in the process. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">GEOFFREY:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Come on lads! Get these boxes shifted. It’s what you were born to do!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:6.75pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:35.45pt;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">The athletes pick up their boxes and start running out of the back door to the sports hall.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="right" style="text-align:right;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Cut to:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">9. EXT. Burger Van. Evening.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoBodyTextIndent"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">At the burger van, Martin is dealing with a large crowd of hungry unhappy customers.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">CUSTOMER:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">These burgers are disgusting! They’re totally inedible! They’re black!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">MARTIN:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Well, I didn’t want to give anyone food poisoning.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">CUSTOMER:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">I’m not eating this, I want a refund!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">MARTIN:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Oh, erm…<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoBodyTextIndent"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Martin nervously looks around for money.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">CUSTOMER:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Oh forget it!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoBodyTextIndent"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Martin’s customers throw their unwanted burgers into the road in disgust, and walk away. Martin leaves his van and walks into the road picking up discarded burgers. One of the ballot box runners narrowly avoids tripping up over him. Shocked, Martin stands up after nearly making contact. He turns round and makes his way back to the van when the generator powering the van explodes. The force of the explosion throws Martin, several runners and pedestrians into a hedge. The ballot boxes break, and the voting papers are strewn across the road, some of which are on fire. Beefburgers are in flames on the road, gardens, cars, and on Martin and Darren’s body. Geoffrey, on his way to the sports hall, walks around the corner to see the destruction.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">GEOFFREY:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Christ!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:6.75pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:35.45pt;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Geoffrey palms the camera away, and begins to pick up the votes from the floor. Martin is dazed, covered in burgers, and firmly planted in a hedge next to Darren.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">GEOFFREY:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">What in god’s name happened here Martin?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">MARTIN:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Well I overcooked a few burgers, which made people really upset.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">GEOFFREY:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">I’m really upset. So is Darren, look- his arm is hanging by a thread.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">MARTIN:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Sorry Darren.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="right" style="text-align:right;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Fade to black:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="right" style="text-align:right;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">10. INT. Geoffrey’s house. Day.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:6.75pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:35.45pt;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Geoffrey is sat in his armchair with a cup of tea, with a saucer containing a piece of shortbread, resting on the arm.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">INTERVIEWER:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">So you didn’t break the record you previously set.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">GEOFFREY:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">No, but let’s try and focus on the positives here; Darren, while he was a talented runner would never have made an Olympic team. In two years he has a real shot at making the Paralympics, and a possibly winning a medal.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">INTERVIEWER:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">We’ve heard that he’s suing you?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">GEOFFREY:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">I don’t want to go into that.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">INTERVIEWER:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Back to work on Monday?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">GEOFFREY:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">No, My work offered me a good redundancy package, so I’m thinking of using the money to do live abroad for a few years.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">INTERVIEWER:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Anywhere nice?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-align:center;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">GEOFFREY:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:91.8pt;margin-bottom:0cm;margin-left:3.0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">Well, Uganda has an election next year- now the kids out there can run really fast.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="right" style="text-align:right;line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';">END.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:150%"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"> </span><o:p></o:p></p> <!--EndFragment-->James O'Brienhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127138185908501166noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8978340963734076455.post-78638886486488231692010-07-16T21:41:00.002+01:002010-07-16T22:32:45.545+01:00How do you do, Internet?<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">So. It’s finally happened. I’m talking to the Internet. How depressing. Although, not as depressing as talking to the drunk on the train, about his string of dates with a girl who works in his local butchers. His version of a meat feast almost turned me vegetarian; until I found out she grew her own. Now I’m left eating Farley’s rusks, and suffering from erectile dysfunction every time I visit Morrisons. Not that I want erections in the supermarket, that could cause me to make a rash decision when choosing between the lemon, or banana flavoured rusks. </span><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></p> <!--EndFragment-->James O'Brienhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127138185908501166noreply@blogger.com2